


The Customer Is Always Right: Irish Coffee

by fabricdragon



Series: How Moriarty Met Moran [14]
Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bartenders, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Consent, First Meetings, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 05:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20669726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/fabricdragon
Summary: Inspired by a Tumblr ficlet that was shared in one of my facebook writing groups by KnowMeFirst.The first chapter (edited to say "first story" ) has discussion of sex and consent, but no explicit content...(also i really expected this to be a lot grittier and nastier, but ... uh... apparently this went for express consent and kink negotiatons and generally pretty civil all things considered.)continues in a second story (Irish Coffee Series) that is more explicit.Prompt in Notes





	The Customer Is Always Right: Irish Coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/gifts), [mickie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickie/gifts).

Jim had been having a horrible day-his new suit jacket wasn't done, he'd had to shoot yet another idiot minion, and he was now having to be civil to a mobster trying to move up in the world.

_ At least the mobster owned a bar. _

_ … oh GOODY… I may have to shoot him for this: an ‘Irish pub’ in London… if this was a dig at my accent… hmmm… right, trendy Irish, that is to say not Irish at all, just what tourists and Londoners thought of as Irish…. And it was casual dress?! Good God... _

“Does this look like someplace I'm dressed for?” Jim sniffed at the man as he flicked imaginary lint from his suit.

“Ah… errr…. I thought…”

“You thought? How novel.”

“Please get a drink while i make reservations at a better restaurant!” and he scurried off.

Jim stalked up to the bar and glared at the bartender..._ nice looking man, fit, a bit scruffy but good bones- too casually dressed by far, but the jeans surely did show off his ass-ets. _

“Irish Coffee.” Jim ordered and went back to thinking about how to handle an upcoming-

“Not now, sorry,” the bartender said, “Bit too busy- pick something off the usual menu or have one of the specialties.”

Jim stared at him in disbelief.

“I said I want an Irish coffee!”

The bartender didn't even look over, “You can want it all you like, but we don’t make it during happy hour because its too busy.” 

Jim was still staring at him in shock when the mobster came up oozing at him about dinner…

“He won’t make me an Irish coffee…” Jim was still trying to wrap his brain around it. “He REFUSED to make me an Irish coffee…”

The mobster twitched, “Hey! You… what’s your name? Bartender!”

“Not my name but I answer to it.” the man said, glancing over, “can I help you?”

“He wants an Irish Coffee!”

“Already said we don’t make them during happy hour, or lunch rush.” he shrugged and turned back to something loud with a blender.

The mobster looked utterly mortified and grabbed one of his people and gave some instructions. “It will be dealt with, Mister Moriarty, i assure you… in fact I’ll be certain he apologizes to you personally… but let's just forget about this and have a nice dinner…”

…

...

_ I am totally going to kill this guy. _ Jim had never been so glad to see the end of an otherwise decent meal in his life.

“Now, Mister Moriarty, let me just-”

“That was charming but i have plans for the evening.” Jim bared his teeth at the man.

“Ah, well i … the bartender…”

“Bartender?” Jim stared at him blankly.

“The… bartender…. Who wouldn't make you an Irish coffee?”

“Oh, him, what about him?”

“My people… EXPLAINED things and … he’ll apologize, personally… and then you can decide what you want done with him.”

_ Oh good Lord i completely forgot about the poor idiot bartender… whatever. _ “Fine, fine, just… can we hurry?” _ the sooner I get away from you the better. _

They ended up at the requisite basement in a currently empty building. Jim made a note to buy it, not every warehouse and basement storage place had high ceilings and good drains…it looked useful.

They opened the door to the sound of someone being hit.

“Say it!” someone snarled. Jim’s ear heard a lot of frustration in that snarl.

“I’m not saying SHIT!”

Jim walked in past the appalled and embarrassed mobster to see the bartender- rather the worse for wear- tied to a chair… thoroughly tied to a chair… EXCESSIVELY tied to a chair.... And the interrogator slapping him across the face.

“Say that the customer is always right. Say it!”

The bartender just snarled “Fuck you!” and spat in their face.

Jim looked over at the mob boss and snickered, “he’s… ah… all ready to apologize is he?”

Jim could see the man realizing that whatever reputation he had left had taken an abrupt dive for the sewers and he ordered the interrogator to just cut the man’s throat.

_ Oh hell no, this is FAR too much fun _. “No.” Jim looked at the interrogator and was gratified to see him obeying Jim over his boss… he didn't think his boss was happy about it, but who cared.

“Why don’t you boys just toddle off and entertain yourselves for a few hours while I chat with this gentleman, hmm?”

“But I -”

Jim turned and looked him straight in the eyes, “This is the first interesting entertainment you’ve provided so far…. Now go away and let me enjoy it.” _ or you’re next. _

He wilted slightly and waved at his men to leave.

“One question? Why was he so … thoroughly restrained?”

The man in the chair- not even trying to twist around to see Jim- just sneered, “Bloody poor job of it! Shouldn't need half this gear- they just don't know what the fuck they’re doing.”

The guard winced.

“Well?” Jim asked the guard.

“Uh… he… um…” the guard fidgeted.

“Sounds like? How many letters? Well?”

Very quietly with a nervous glance at his boss he muttered, “he took down the first four guys that went to pick him up… we only got him because Ralph surprised him with a pipe.”

Jim watched the further humiliation hit the mobster and snickered, “oh… well, I’ll be careful then.” He addressed his personal guard- most people mistook him for an aide or secretary- “you can wait outside, Harris.”

“Yes sir.”

Once everyone was gone he walked around to the front of the man. He was certainly a bit battered and bloody, but he didn't look even slightly cowed- just pissed. “My goodness, they did work you over a bit.”

“I've been hit harder at play parties,” he spat in Jim’s direction, “Get it over with.”

Jim stopped… _ wait… _“Did you say play parties? Hit harder at… oh you PLAY, do you?”

“Not with you lot,” the man snorted, “There’s this thing called consent and-”

“Safewords, yes… just so you know, I didn't ask them to pick you up… you just embarrassed the mob boss who owned the pub and he was trying to kiss up to me.”

“What?”

Jim got a bottle of water- the interrogator seemed to have gone through a few- and carefully walked up, “now if you can avoid spitting blood on my suit, I’ll be happy to give you some water and let you up: as I said, I didn't ask them to do this, and he didn't ask me if i wanted you damaged… although to be fair i was a bit peeved at the time; I don't know what I would have said.”

The man blinked blue eyes at him- they were really very nice blue eyes, and his hair had a gingerish tone: it had been hard to tell in the bar lighting and the lighting here was a bit harsh. “You… wait… who are you?”

“Irish coffee.”

“They were beating the snot out of me because I wouldn't make you an Irish coffee?!”

Jim laughed and held the water carefully to his split lip, “Yes… you mean they didn't even tell you?”

“No.. or if they did then it was when my head was still spinning.” He paused and admitted, “it's kind of still spinning…”

“I’m actually quite impressed- not many people get worked over and and… well… don’t buckle- also you apparently took down four of them. Since I don't think the terribly embarrassed mob boss will want you back on the job- not that he’s long for this world- would you consider a job offer?”

He stared at Jim for a few beats and then closed his eyes, "Bloody hell, how hard did they hit me…?"

"Pretty hard by the look of it." Jim decided that a show of good faith was in order and started unlocking the restraints...he had chains, cuffs, and rope holding him to the chair…

"They really were afraid of you...and...no, clearly no idea what they were doing with restraints…"

“You’re...letting me go?”

“As I said; while I was annoyed about the drink, I didn't ask them to do this- also the longer i spent with that fellow the more i enjoyed seeing him get knocked down a few pegs.” Jim chuckled, “The first i heard about anything to do with you was when i was trying to get away from him after dinner and he said his men had you ready to apologize…”

The man in question started shaking out his arms and carefully stretching… it looked good.

“Well… that certainly looks good on you…”

“What does? A split lip?”

“Well…. That doesn't look _bad_ on you, but i meant the stretching and… well the chains and ropes would look good on you if they were done right…” Jim gave the man his best and most inviting look, “I’m Jim, by the way, or Mister Moriarty if its business.”

“Sebastian.” he said rather gruffly and stood up.

“I did rather admire the fit of the jeans at the bar… and… well one advantage of wrapping you up like enthusiastic if untalented spiders is that you seem to be otherwise undamaged…”

He raised an eyebrow and then winced as the gesture pulled on a cut, “I'm a bit dubious about working for anyone associated with that lot.”

“Oh honey, YOU were working for that lot.”

“... ok, point.” he looked suspiciously at Jim, “I didn't know I was, though…”

“Besides, I'm planning on having the man knifed, or shot, or something...he’s aggravating and a bigot.”

The man- Sebastian- frowned, “Does he know you’re gay?”

“No? Most of the underworld community tends to be a bit…” Jim shrugged, '' I assume you’re gay since you haven’t objected to my flirting? Also… it would be kind of a waste if you weren't with that ass…”

Sebastian stared at him, and then slowly started snickering, and then laughing, “Ok, i give up… this has GOT to be the strangest way to meet someone ever; I’m not gay, though: I’m bi- is that a problem?”

“No…” Jim handed him the last bottle of water, “I’m gay, or at least i never found any girls i was interested in that way? But… ah… I also find vanilla a bit limited ...”

“Which is why you picked up on the play party.” Sebastian nodded and then narrowed his eyes, “You aren't trying to hire me just for that, are you?”

Jim blinked several times. “Well I'd actually been thinking bodyguard- i like bodyguards who either look decorative or harmless, so people overlook them: you’re decorative…”

“Ah, ok… i havent ever taken money for… well, sex, and i …” he sagged slightly, “to be honest maybe i should have tried that before bartending: I’m insubordinate as fuck.”

“Nooo… really?” Jim looked him over, “but you do get hit at play parties? So… you like to sub?”

“I’m… I never got the chance to really explore a lot of non-vanilla stuff until pretty recently. I like being aggressive and a lot that I guess most people think of as dominant, but… I was… fairly surprised to find out … yeah, i enjoy subbing.” he looked firmly at Jim, “but I have a boat load of issues and it's too easy to trigger them if people don't talk first.” then he blinked a few times, “You… don't think its weird that i like to sub?”

“No, I don't think it's that odd.” Jim looked the man up and down, “I like to top- as a dom, but… I enjoy subbing when i can trust someone: I can’t usually trust someone enough.” he waved at the door, “I mean, i’m not exactly in a very safe and trusting line of work.”

“Ah… what is it you do?”

“I consult,” Jim said happily, “People have problems and I solve them...for a fee - a large fee.”

“... and you’re planning on knifing or shooting that guy, not working with him?”

“Yes… is that a problem?”

Sebastian chuckled, “no… want me to do it?”

Jim perked up, lots of people could do bodyguard work but very few people were able to kill- not like that. “Is that something you’re comfortable with? Or only because he had you worked over?”

“Oh it's PERSONAL because he had me worked over, but… I’m military- was military.”

“That explains the muscles, but… most military really aren't killers,” Jim started re-evaluating the man… _ yes, he was holding himself in a relaxed stance that could mean serious combat… _

“I am: I prefer long range with a rifle, but up close and personal works too.”

“Ooooh talk dirty to me…” Jim grinned, “I love a man who knows how to handle his weapon.”

Sebastian smirked and licked the cut on his lip, “oh i know how to handle my weapon… and i bet i could have you field stripped and purring like a kitten…”

“I’d rather have you stripped… and striped…” Jim glanced at some of the possible attachment points, “how are you with a flogger or a whip? For that matter, does a bit of blood bother you?”

He hesitated, “I never tried any of that for fun… uh…” he looked Jim over thoughtfully, “IF we tried any of that, I'd need to be able to get out of the restraints- at least the first time.”

“Fair.” Jim nodded.

“So… employee AND boyfriend? Kind of… tricky.”

“Tell you what: this place has some serious potential for fun times, but its a bit grimy for me and i don't have the nice ropes on hand… why don't you kill Mr. slimy-kiss-ass by way of a job application, and then I take you back to my place and we… interview for the other job opening…”

Sebastian agreed. “Negotiations for that after i kill the bastard, and… after a drink- which i am not making.”

Jim laughed, “deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:  
Interrogator: "Say it!"  
Me, tied to chair: "I'm not saying shit."  
interrogator: *slaps me* " say it! Say the customer is always right! SAY IT!"  
me *spits blood in their face* : " Fuck you!"
> 
> ...  
This work is now complete at one chapter, it is continued in a second story as that is an explicit work. To read the sequel follow "irish Coffee"  
to read a different story with the same prompt follow "Retail meme"  
to read a different "how they met" follow "how moriarty met moran"


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